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Monday, January 23, 2006

Yo, today at school was ok haha. Lessons were ok, mugged chemistry during my long break in between, felt satisfied that I did some progress today :) But I still have a long way to go though. And Thanks 05S10A!!! I really like the birthday card you all made for me!! :) And so that others can appreciate it as well, I have uploaded pictures of it! Haha. I feel so lucky. Well today at PE I failed my pullups and standing board jump station haiz... Looks like back to training my 2 weakest stations again... Need more fitness!!!

Hm....somehow I dunno why, but I seemed to get quite stressed at council work today.... Today we had a short Aesthetico meeting, and directly after that O2 Ad Hoc meeting no. 2... And in between, I was supposed to have a skit rehearsal but I missed it anyways. Well, I guess at today's Aesthetico meeting, I was reminded of something that has been bothering me ever since I realised last year, that my school life now revolves around council. The word that describes it all is PRIORITIES. Not about what task to do first, and do next, but rather what are my current prioritised goals that I wish to achieve. Like of course, it is obvious that studies is the BIGGEST priority of them all, but I seem to always get so involved in council that I tend to find myself losing my direction all over again. Hey, who said it's easy to balance studies and council. I still have this difficulty ever since last year. Then again, I feel that I am letting down council down if I keep telling them that I treat studies more important than their friendship, which is a message I dont want to convey.

And cause I know that my current studies cannot make it, I have opted out from being in the Dinner and Dance Ad Hoc, which will be taken up by the O2 Ad Hoc. I think it's better that I set for myself more time for study... I know that rather than be worrying, I should conjure up my determination and start making things happen. Man, I'm reaching a point in my life that I find it hard to focus fully on my studies. I think I really need some way or method to start motivating myself to concentrate on studies. Without self-motivation, how can one do anything wholeheartedly?

And I'm sorry for being fierce towards any of the councilors today especially those close to me... I guess I become like that when I think of serious things, especially regarding myself... I have also sometimes wondered if some of us have become too "bonded" to council that we are doing too much bonding, and neglecting things like studies and family. Like yeah, who wouldn't want to always hang out with your friends who went through thick and thin with you? And this makes it even harder to convince yourself to draw the line to stop.

So far, I am trying my best to balance these 3 categories..

Studies
Council

Fitness

And I have mentioned to some people that I also intend to learn driving this year, which means even lesser time for my studies and council. Yet another factor that needs balancing...

I really need to do some planning, and I really mean serious planning. Which means back to serious thinking mode again...Well I think I should relax for now and think about it calmly... And yes, all of this personal reflections and stuff is making me neglect my studies again.... ARGH!!!

I dunno lah....I think I'll take some time to think about it. I might be making a breakthrough in myself. I hope. Everything just seems so vague....I still dunno what it is that I'm trying to look for. I think I need someone to talk to... Perhaps my brother when he's free... Argh can feel some slight depression coming to my head... Think I should try to relax for now...

And I think it sounds weird that I will say this after all that I have just said, but dont worry about me everyone. Well if I need help I'll ask you all for help. But personally, I would prefer that I can solve this personal problem of mine myself, then it truly becomes my own accomplishment. I remember I once said before, "To see if I am a weakling, or a winner in my own right". Oh damn. This entry is so similar to the one I posted last time when I had a "sudden realisation of reality". It appears that I havent really changed a bit at all?

Damn it, damn it, damn it. All of this is getting irritating. When can I finally set myself in the correct mode? I'll have to figure it out myself bah.

Oh well, haiz. Cya all at school bah. Enough of ranting and ranting...

Pictures

The nice birthday card given to me by my beloved class!

Read the cover, then the contents inside properly to get the full picture haha.

So many encouraging comments! Thank you all!

And I wish that all your wishes will come true as well :)

Stay tuned for updates! Hm...feeling a bit more relaxed now.

Zhiming @ 10:08 PM.