Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Yo everyone, so how was block test today? I hope everyone's coping fine. Well I need all luck I need for my make-up block tests next week. Today it was proven that even if I try, I think I wont really be able to have much of a chance to be mugging stuff while I am involved in organising Orientation 2 with the council. All the more I need to convince myself to mug at home.
Well, today's outcome for the first day of orientation turned out quite well. Yeah, some logistics problems did crop up, but they were all able to be settled without any disruption of the programme. The most irritating thing today for me was really about AVA issues such as walkie talkies and mikes running LOW on batteries...Then I have to like go source for new batteries from Mr Chionh. Other than that games logistics were simple enough to handle cause it was basically logist for only 3 games? Haha. Tomorrow will be 7 games at once... but yeah I believe that I will be able to handle things. Its just loaning out and retrieving logist, and the councilors are responsible people who I can trust haha. I just hate the re-packing. But anyways its boxes anyways so its easier to repack back stuff. Glad I scrapped the idea of using lots of trash bags... Makes everyone's life easier.
And amazingly, I managed to last through the whole day, with only around 4 hours sleep last n ight. Dunno what's going on. I guess I definitely need to sleep early tonight. Well 3 more days to go. After the first 2 days, the other two days should be simple enough to organise. Lets see how things go. Tomorrow got work to do again... Sianz need to mug!
Sometimes, I wonder if I am giving myself too much stress. Things which are beyond my control often make we wonder why things went wrong in the first place. Then there will be two outcomes, either I blame people, or I blame myself. And its mostly the latter. Am I too serious in my attitude? I think I still dont really understand myself well. I guess I really should seek other people's opinions. At a point of time, I always thought this kind of things should be discovered by your ownself, but apparently its come to the stage whereby I know that I just cant figure out what's really wrong by myself.
Lets see how things go then. Just so confused...
Zhiming @ 9:16 PM.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Block Test Finally Starts Tomorrow!
Orientation 2 Starts on Tuesday!!!
RAWR!!!! LET THE CHALLENGE BEGIN!!!!
Haha.... Good luck everyone! Wish you all the best.
CHIONG AH!!!! POWER 100%!!! Let nothing stop in your way...
If you want success, put in ALL your effort! You reap what you sow... Have no regrets...
Cya all at school!
Zhiming @ 9:37 PM.
Friday, March 17, 2006
What a fast week this has been... Yeah, the March holidays this time round for me still feels like a school week to me haha. Cause I have convinced myself to go to school for everyday of this week and get down to some hard mugging... Oh well I must say I spent quite a lot of time in school, but my productivity is less than satisfying. I feel I could have done better bah :P That's what happens when you need to spend time revising through notes to understand the concepts... which should have been done like long ago. Well I spent most of my time either revising stuff or writing summaries... The only work I really did was some maths questions haha. Argh I need t buck up! My confidence level isnt that high now haha. But still must do my best!!! GRR!!!
Well apparently throughout this week I basically mugged at quite a lot of different places in the school, other than the canteen. Monday was the classrooms, tuesday was the library, wednesday was the i-space, thursday and friday were the library again. And in the mornings while waiting for my classmates to join me, or for the library to be opened, I mugged at the Ebloussiant until the hot sun came out and chased us away haha.
And I think I have come to the conclusion that the best way to keep away while mugging, is to....either eat lots of snacks to keep yourself occupied or talk with friends. Yes music helps abit, but I think its more of something to stop yourself from getting bored. You can sleep while listening to music right? Haha. K there's bound to be distractions, but yeah I figured its more productive for me when I mug with friends. If I were to mug alone at home I would either be sleeping or using the computer. And you can also ask them for advice too, what a win-win situation. Of course you must draw the line between when to get serious and do work, or to take a break and just talk cock about some stuff.
2 more days to Block test... FINAL RUSH AH!!! Then after that is directly O2. Yes, I was doing O2 logistics at school today haha... Its hard to separate yourself from council even though they mentioned that March holidays is a off-duty week for councillors. I myself have some logistics which need to be settled next Monday haha. All the small small matters bleah. Oh well its a matter of being responsible towards council work bah. Priorities....yet again.
And I dunno why, but I seem to be losing stuff doing the holidays. All the small small items. And I lost my council badge! I wore it on wednesday cause I wore full school uniform to school, and now its missing... Haiz... What's up with that? I hate losing stuff....grrr. Especially those with sentimental value.. Oh well lets hope I find it before monday. Otherwise I'll have to buy another one. Some times its the case of, when you want to find it, you cant find it. But when you dont try to find it, you find it. Losing things are just so...weird. I wish I had some ultimate tracking machine or something... Then the world wouldnt need to have "lost and found" issues ever again. Yes, dream on I guess...Bleah I'm just feeling pissed at losing something important again..
The weekend starts tomorrow... I believe I should get some rest from the tiring days I had earlier on. Yes, I didnt get the chance to slack at home and just sleep haha. At most it was "Power-napping" between mugging at school.
Good luck to everyone for upcoming Block Test. Mug hard, have no regrets. Well that's what I convince myself to do. Even though there's bound to be regrets at the end of the day.
Cya all then!
Zhiming @ 10:58 PM.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Alamak!!!! I hate myself for what happened today.... Lost my temper yet again at small matters....haiz. So sorry everyone. Man, its just that I always cannot stand it when I'm like tired and then people suddenly get really noisy. Depends on the situation bah. I dont always flare up whenever there's noise. It just has to be the unlucky combination of factors... as always.Its a bad habit of mine haiz. Yes, bad habits die hard. GRR!!! And thanks everyone for respecting me...apparently nobody made a big fuss towards my reaction. Maybe its just cause it isnt the first time I did that. :p People came to see if I was ok, people came to cheer me up, people just kept quiet and didnt make it an even more embarassing situation for me.And some people even came to apologise to me even though it wasnt even their fault at all haha. Thanks a lot everyone. The more this kind of thing happens to me, the more I realise that I shouldnt be doing it. Yet it never seems to stop...Haiz. Anger management... Where did all those de-stress techniques I learnt before go to? Hm.... well maybe its true that a hungry man is an angry man.
Well anyways, yesterday, I did some packing of logistics after school and stayed back a while to see the O2 skit rehearsal. Well then I left home cause I figured I wasnt really needed after all, so after eating dinner at home I went out to get my hair cut. No more worries abt not combing hair and stuff like that. And straight fringes just look weird...Bleah. Well, I'm quite happy with my new hairstyle. 1st time I tried out a "spiky" hair style. And yes I mean 1st time.... lol I havent changed my hair style at all in ages. Tried growing long and ended up didnt like it after all. Maybe my hair just grew long in an ugly way bah. :P Ok seems weird talking so much abt my hair. Well next topic.
People are so funny. When a situation crops up, we rack our brains hard in order to think of "what if" situations and try to think of a solution, and then people get stressed out. And then what happens? It ends up that the situation wasnt at bad as expected, and in fact we didnt need to worry at all after all. -_- Killing brain cells for no reason man.... Oh well maybe people just think too much some times cause for some cases the only thing you can do is " when the actual thing comes then see how". Next time must make backup plans in advance... Then wont need to worry abt last minute cock-ups...yeah. "Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups." as what I've heard from a movie once.
This morning, cause I was worrying abt the issue of not having enough paint for flag making later on, I woke up earlier so that I could find out from my Mom where I could buy paint early in the morning. She tried explaining to me using the street directory, then I figured since it was still early, we could make a trip to the actual shop so that I could see where it was. So we left home at around 6.00am and after showing me where the paint store was, I was dropped off at the school's main gate at 6.16am. Personally, I was hoping and expecting for the main gate to be opened at around 6.30am. And so at 6.16am, there I was sitting by the side of the pavement, listening to music and trying to mug some Alkanes and Alkenes with only the yellow light coming from the street light as a light source. That must have been some lonely looking scene. The only next better light source was the white lights which were used to shine on the words ( Nanyang Junior College) at the main gate, but I figured it would look like some weird desperate mugger if I were to stand there haha. So I passed the idea.
After mugging a while, I figured there was no point for me to strain my eyes under such bad conditions. So I stopped after going through 1 set of notes. And I think bad conditions really force you to memorise better cause you will want it to be worth the effort... Well anyways, it appears that I had made a wrong bet that it was more likely for the main gate to be opened earlier than the side gate. So irritating.... the gate ended up opening at 7.05am. And at a point of time while I was waiting, I was like " Oh its finally bright, and I'm still outside the darn gate. -_- Some of my friends asked me why I didnt walk over to the side gate earlier on, but my reason is " Would you walk to the other gate after you have already been waiting for the past 30mins?" It defeats the whole purpose of waiting if you in the end decide to change your decision. Oh well of course this mentality doesnt work all the time. Imagine if the gate never ever opened, then I would really be regarded as some really dumb idiot. Right...
Well then the moment I could enter school it was rush off to the council room to prepare logistics for the flag painting later on. Canvas, paint, brushes, thinner, rags, cups, MPR , the sound system, all the necessary stuff. Well there were a few weird cock-ups here and there. Like when I accidentally caused the green paint can to tip over inside the box I was carrying it with...result? Green paint in a box. And to conserve as much paint as possible I had to scoop out the paint.. Like what's up with that? Ok seemed dumb but it happened to me anyways. Luckily nobody saw me clearing up and stuff haha.. So paiseh.
The flag making today went quite smootly and the OGLs managed to complete all their flags today, including tying them to the poles. No more need for logistics comm to come down during the hols to help complete flags haha. Horray. The only bad thing at the end was that there were so many patches of paint on the MPR floor.... Apparently we were tio con and the floor wasnt as clean as we thought it would be when everyone said that it was checked already... Me, Choy, Jinfa, Siti, Wei Jun and Ms Yap ended up being like maids cleaning the paint patches on the MPR. We even ended up cleaning paint patches which were like weeks or months old. Well the MPR is clean now. It had better stay like that, after all that hard effort put into using brute force, cloth and thinner to remove the stains. We have to do extra work cause we werent slacked in the checking part. Buay tahan. Well its our responsibility anyways. Since we decided to use the venue. But...wiping the floor aint that fun yah? :P
After Ms Yap was satisfied with the cleaniness of the MPR floor, we then took a break after all that work. Then while we were slacking me and Jinfa went to the hall to check out the O2 vetting. The skit was accepted, even though I still feel that it would be better if we could add more action packed scenes into it. Well, due to time constraints we have no choice. I had my share of fun already in O1, so now I just wish the O2 skitters the best too haha. This time round my role has changed. O2 Logistics head! Not a easy position to be if you ask me... Maybe its cause of the way I work haha. Still have a lot of learning to do. We shall see on the actual day if I have understood the messages which the teachers and my friends have been trying to convey to me.
After clearing of logistics, it was time for protocol briefing. Well protocol briefing wasnt too complicated, and yeah everyone gave feedback and stuff when they saw problems or errors or had queries.
Then after protocol briefing was done, O2 ad hoc met up with Mr Tan and Ms Yap to discuss about protocol issues like pizza night and movie night, and to confirm if each committee had any problems to raise.
Then when things were mostly settled, we all left home, and it rained really heavily. And I'm at home now recharging my body... Tmr got driving practical lesson, so must sleep early.
Oh man... another day gone. Another day closer to blog test. I need to keep reminding myself to perservere. Jia You everyone!! Make good use of the week ahead to pia studies. Same goes for me.
Zhiming @ 8:44 PM.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Yes, here I am blogging, wasting precious time which can be used for studying. But I guess I just want to tell all my friends and people I know my current stand.
Here's the situation: I have made an oath to myself, and a promise to my parents. I MUST NOT FAIL THEM! I MUST STUDY!! I am not joking. I am serious.
I wish to tell all my friends and people who know me, now is the time to support me. At council, I now wish to be efficient so that I dont waste extra time. It stresses me out now whenever I see that council is occupying my mugging time. It cant be helped, so its time for time management. If you ever see me sleeping at lectures or lessons, do me a favour and slap me awake. If you see slacking, tell me to go study.
Studies currently on my list are a higher priority than council. Do not misunderstand me though. I still treasure the friendships I have made from council. And it doesnt mean that my attitude will change. Its just....there's a time for everything. Its time for me to finally put in 100% effort to reach my goals.
If you want respect, you have to earn it.
If you hate something, then do something about it.
If you have stress, then endure and overcome it.
If you have goals, then strive to acheive them.
If you want success, put in ALL your effort, so there are no regrets.
I want to be a winner, not a loser.
Respect yourself, then others will respect you.
"God does not help those who do not help themselves"
This is the way of Zhiming.
NO MORE ANIME
NO MORE SLACKING
NO EXCESS WEBSURFING
NO DISTRACTIONS
MORE STUDY!!!
I plan to pia my holidays at school mugging. All those interested to join can find me. I need help haha.
REN!!! CHIONG STUDIES AH!!!!
Zhiming @ 9:25 PM.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Phew... my anger has finally subsided... to almost minimal now. Well maybe its cause I decided not to think too much into it already, and of course I recieved help from the support of my friends and family. Its great to have someone to talk to when you're troubled. Thank you all.
Currently, even though I aint that angry when I reminisce abt what happened, the feeling now is a bit of mix of regret and heart pain. Regretting that I failed being up to my own expectations, and heart pain that after all that effort I put in, at the end of the day I couldnt feel any sense of accomplishment and be happy for myself. Sad...haiz
Oh well, now is not the time for me to stay sad and lose my motivation. There are so many things which are more important and need to be done. If you regret anything, then make sure it doesnt happen again! Though I've always been trying to overcome this weakness of mine. It's been a neverending battle...
Time to pull myself together. CHIONG AH HUANG ZHIMING!!! I shouldn't let these minor things drag me down. Yet another one of my weaknesses. I think I need to remember to let go of things too...
Ikuzo!!! (Let's Go in Japanese)
Zhiming @ 10:06 PM.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
What a week, what a week... A lot of things happened this week, new events, new learning experiences...Old faults, same regrets...
On Wednesday 1st March, it was the release of the A Level results. And everyone also recieved their CLAO results. And my whole class doesnt need to study CLAO anymore haha. Good job everyone! On the same day, I was curious and so stayed back to see O2 Skit rehearsal. And council camp Ad Hoc was having their meeting too. Well I bet O1 skitters all miss the good old acting days when we had time to prepare. For O2's skit, things are quite rush cause everyone's busy with school work as well. Oh well, I decided to help them out with the script, out of my own interest. Earlier on in the morning I managed to borrow the portable mike and sound system from Mr Chionh with Mr Tan helping to sign in.
On Thursday. we had an OGL briefing session during common lunch. The turnout ended up being quite big haha, and most thing went quite smoothly I guess. Then after school I went for my 2nd driving prac lesson.
On Friday, I borrowed PE logistics from Ms Yap again during the afternoon. The after school I did logistics with Choy at the storage room. Then I helped out again at O2 skit rehearsal.
On Saturday, 4th March, was finally OGL workshop. The programme for the workshop went smoothly, and was quite successful, but its a sad thing that I have to say, I had committed so many mistakes that day and I feel so regretful and angry.
Then it came to me that the greatest thing I'm angry at is still at myself. Angry for not being prepared enough. Angry for committing mistakes. Angry that I lost myself again. Angry at not being able to overcome my weakness again. Angry for making others worry.
Its not lessons that I feel like writing on paper and remember them, but rather I still feel there's a deeper meaning behind what lesson I should learn from what happened. Just dunno what.
Then I suddenly wondered something. Do I need to get myself so stressed over something that is actually so minor? Do I really need to get so serious over things which I actually have no power over? Maybe I should just dont care that much anymore. It definitely makes life easier. Rather then people don't do it, then you have to do everything and get stressed as a result, why not just dont care and let everyone get screwed? Like hey, nobody's a superman.
Its a first time that I ever considered screwing other people so that they would understand the same trouble I was going through. The hard way. At the beginning of the day, my anger piled up a bit. During the afternoon, I managed to occupy myself with work and forgot all about it. But at the end of the day, well all hell goes loose. Accumulation of anger can just be so scary.
I know what lessons I learnt, but its just those lessons about planning early, giving instructions clearly to people, always have constant communication, and supporting each other when they need help. That's all on being an efficient comm head. But have I learnt anything that can improve my character? I'm still wondering abt that. I'm still reflecting about it.
Just what feels so darn wrong? I believe only I can discover what it is. Now, there's more questions left for me to be answered, yet I feel I am understanding myself more a bit at a time. Maybe that's what stress does. Its an indicator of what's your limit. Whether you can go far, or if you'll always be like that.
When you know what makes you angry, I believe its a useful and powerful tool for controlling your emotions. However, when you still lose control, the sense of failure becomes even greater. Man, I dunno what I'm typing now. Things just feel, wrong.
And when you're at the peak of being angry, its also significant to know who you can depend on to support you and lead you back to the correct way. Well I think that's how I managed to survive till the end of the day. Now I have to learn how to do it without depending on others.
RELAX. Another keyword I have to add to my list of reminders...
And the sad thing is, thinking of how I got angry, makes me angry. What's up with that?
I should just go and sleep now. And hope things wont go out of hand. Yet another long and busy week ahead.
Sianz...unhappy and angry with myself...
Zhiming @ 9:44 PM.
