Saturday, April 29, 2006
Hm...Blogging again.
Ok, I think I can be quite weird at times.
Like, after a whole day of busy events like going for flag day to get some CIP hours, and studying at home, I suddenly at the last moment at night, decide to do some cycling exercise. Destination? NYJC haha. Well I believe everyone knows the reason why.
Anyways, after getting permission from my mom, I set off from home to NYJC at around... 10.15-10.25pm cause I have to repump my bike tyres haha. And I managed to reach the main gate of NYJC at around 10.45pm. Talked with the guard there at 10.48pm, looked around school to see where the councillors were, left the school when the main gate was closed at 11.00pm. Reached home at 11.25pm. About 1 hour of exercise hm... And along the way, I met the 27th who just left from the side gate after synergy. What a coincidence haha. And on my way home, I met this J2 and the first thing he asked was "You got no camp?". And I cycled past and went like "No.". Would be weird if I stopped and explained things to him eh? Anyways I dont think it matters if people saw me or not. Its not like I pon school or anything...
And well, I think its enough to just be there to know the councils are busy doing what they need to do haha. No need to have some dramatic entrance or attract attention... Just left as quickly as I reached. Yes, apparently I was almost gonna make things dramatic, but....nevermind then. I dont need it anyways.
And while I'm typing this, I think the councillors are busy preparing their night walk.Well...hope no one sees any ghosts haha... Well from my point of view, if the councillors wanted to, they could be scarier than any ghosts you'll ever see in NYJC haha. Reason? Cause I havent seen a single ghost in NYJC yet. Not even ghost stories... Like what, the ghost cyclist in red at night who was seen in school? Eh...sounds like me lol. Not that I really went cycling around school though. Just left my bike with the guard. He's quite a nice person haha.
That's about all for now I guess...
Zhiming @ 11:57 AM.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Yo everyone! Phew what a tiring day yesterday was. school from 7.45am to 5.30+ pm non-stop. and me and a few of my classmates had a 5 hour study marathon cause bio remedial which was 2 hours was directly after our last 3 lessons. But well I must say the remedial was quite worth it.
After that grueling 5 hours, I decided to check out how the councillors were coping with council camp preparations. Council camp has finally started haha. Oh well, I did some helping out in moving stuff and then I proceeded to the council room to do some mugging. On overall I managed to spend like around 2 hours worth of studying alone, despite all the "distractions" when councillors needed to collect stuff from the council room haha.
After mugging enough, I decided to make a trip to the canteen to try to photocopy some of my summaries, but it ended up that the school photocopying machines are out of order. -_- Well, anyways I decided to finally take a break, so I walked around and checked out how the council camp was going on. In the end, I went home at around 10.25pm. Haha due to many reasons I stayed till quite late.
Haha I finally realised why Ms Chiew said that I shouldnt have stayed back to see the council camp. I mean like yah, I'm glad that I got to see the councillors and contributed some help, but those negative feelings which I locked up inside me were starting to slowly resurface as I saw myself in the same predicament as before. You feel like you want to help, but you shouldnt, and you end up just "slacking" and wasting precious time which could be used to study. Somehow I knew I needed a break from studying, but slacking again doesnt make me feel any better. -_- I think sleeping is so many more times productive than slacking. When you sleep, people know you're tired. When you slack, people may wonder why are you slacking in the first place. Slacking just means you're still able to do work but you dont want to.
Deciding to excuse myself form council camp turned out to be a right decision after all. As far as I've understood. I'm still not there yet on how to equally revise my three subjects well. At least nowadays I'm like always mugging bio, bio, bio. :p I hope I do well for the upcoming test. These three days I shall need to mug chemistry too...
Oh well, time for another Studying Marathon at home. Chem Test on tuesday and Biology Test on wednesday! Lets Go!! Enough fretting over bad feelings... which is what I always do. Time to remember what's important, and to move forward. I need to reminded about reality once in a while. Being too carefree makes me....lose track of my goals.
And if any of you councillors at council camp ever get to see this post, jia you yah? Do not leave back any regrets.
And now... Study! Study! Study! Busy! Busy! Busy!
Zhiming @ 8:49 PM.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Hm...what a day.
Today, I finally got Silver for NAPFA!!! 1st time ever wah haha.... And I amazed myself too cause I finally achieved one of my goals haha... Ok believe it or not I was like stuffing myself with potato chips while I was revising bio notes last night and the only exercise I did was on Monday. Ok at least today turned out quite well. Rawr! Completed everything at one go. Well, that's one less worry to think about. Still have to maintain my fitness though. Exercise exercise!
Well, after school I decided to stay back in school to do work cause, like yeah it takes time for me to settle down at home, so why not just study in school immediately? I dont bring so BIG bags to school for nothing ok? But I must admit... sooner or later either my arm or my back is gonna break. Or the bags. Wait, they ARE breaking already. My mom had to do a bit of sewing to the bag I always wear on my back. Oops... Well as for the other bag I hold in my hand, it's two compartments have "combined" cause the centre portion tore liao. Ok....time to look for a new bag soon. Maybe one with a sling or something, I dunno. Ok I cant really imagine how I'll look like walking around school if I got that. I'm like the only guy in school who uses 2 BIG bags for dunno what. Sekali people thing I want attract attention only. Ok actually I think people think I'm some nerd and just forget about it haha. Carrying 2 bags after completing NAPFA today was yet another obstacle lol.
Besides that, oh well today was quite productive so far when I was studying in the council room. One of the more quieter places in school where you wont get bothered at all. Its quite far away from any noise pollution too. Put on the earphones, listen to music, and off to studying. Though studying alone has its cons too. No one to approach to when you have questions. But questions can be asked another day as long as you note them down.
Well, I must admit I'm quite happy cause I didnt end up falling asleep while I was doing work alone. At least not like last time. Ok I got a bit giddy at one time and like enter into a stone trance, but it got over after I looked out at the window to divert my attention away for a while. After spending around 3+ hours doing work at one go, I decided to take a break and went down to see what the councillors were doing. As I were informed, some of them were busy preparing firewood for council camp. Lots of hammering, breaking wood, pulling out nails and stuff. And well, I initially intended to just walk by and ask how they were doing, but as I stood there watching them work, its like yah I just felt I had to help them out. I would have felt so bad if I were to just walk off like that. So as a last minute decision, I ended up helping them out too. Labour intensive industries again haha. Well I admit, I enjoyed every moment of it. Feels like the old times when we always worked together through thick and thin. Which is what made me feel so strongly connected to council. Me and my strong sense of responsibility again. Or as people say.
Well, ok I could have spent the time on studying, or rather I should have, but maybe I just needed that break. I havent felt so satisfied as today. My past week was a terrible one. And nowadays its just studies studies studies. So using some time to get my mood back isnt so bad an idea after all. The sense of having revived feelings. Haha. But yes, priorities are always priorities. At least I aint rejecting myself from studying at home now. Even after today I still feel ok to contribute some more energy, no matter how little, into doing some revision after such a busy day. I can sense a slow improvement in me I guess. Just have to continue working hard.
Hm, at the end of the day, I'm reminded of another one of the philosophies which I always remember in my heart. That is to always be accountable to yourself. Anything is ok as long as you know you contributed your part, and you dont blame yourself. Haha...I seemed to have forgotten that for a long time. Its suddenly back again. :)
Ok. Back to work. After all that talk, its back to action yet again. I must not let myself down again. Nor the family and friends who care for me and support me as well.
Continue forward!
Zhiming @ 9:12 AM.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Ok.... The difficult stage of having all that mental distress is finally over. At least for now I guess. After all that thinking, now comes putting everything into action. Sometimes, you keep trying to find the correct answer to your problems, but in the end you also realise that everyone is just always going in circles haha. Independant learning is important after all. People just need time to "force" themselves to forget their troubles, weigh which is more important, and then focus on the more important stuff. I dunno how many times I have mentioned this word "Priorities", but yes its easy to say things. So much harder to put them into action.
Once again, make yourself move forward Zhiming. The future isnt that bad after all... The present is where to put in all that hard work. The past is to reflect upon after everything has ended.
I learnt a new philosophy for myself today, "Do not compare yourself with others, but with yourself." In other words, rather than always competing with others, compete with yourself and see how much you have improved. Being self-aware and setting realistic goals, hopefully will help me out in my journey forward.
Work hard too everyone, and I will still need the support of everyone of you all as well. Thank you all for being so understanding.
Zhiming @ 10:51 AM.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
What a difficult week it has been for me. Struggling between my own deepest values in life. Priorities. Friends. Goals. The Past Vs The Present. But its all over. I must not let the past hinder my progress. I must move forward, and not disappoint those who have understood and supported me. Decisions have been made, and I will have to live with them. The past haunts me. The present fights me. The future remains unknown. Regardles of all that, I must move forward.
Yes Zhiming, stop bitching about the past and just move on. Bitch all you want when its finally over. There are more important things left for me to accomplish. Very important things.
Understanding my weaknesses has brought me to a different level, but the journey never ends. The learning never stops. The fighting should never stop as well.
I must prove that the future lies in my own hands. It is my life. No one elses.
Zhiming @ 12:02 PM.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Hi hi everyone, guess who's back.
Yes, time for some reflections yet again. Zhiming's confused over life matters yet again.
Somehow, life at school has changed greatly. Situations come, and people change according to the situations to suit them as well.
Here's my situation now.
1)Ever been the last few people in studies for the whole JC2 school cohort? Yes, I'm there.
2) Ever been last in studies for your CCA? Yes, I'm that too.
3) Ever felt so helpless at studies? Yes, its happening now.
4) Ever felt so angry at yourself? Yes.
5) Ever felt being selfish when you prioritise studies, at the cost of sacrificing friendships? Yes.
6) Ever felt negative feelings towards council? Yes.
I'M IN A FUCKED UP SITUATION NOW PEOPLE!!!!
Right...I just had to say that.
Ok.... I had another heart to heart talk with my bro on tuesday. And I met Mr Kwek today regarding my studies. So, I have come to realise a lot of things... Or at least I was reminded of them. Life is a bitch. Recently, I have come to realise how selfish I can be. Ok, seeing how I have put studies as my MAIN priority, everything else seems insignificant now. Friends, council, entertainment at home. There's no time left to waste on these things. Time is scarce. I need to be productive! At least that's what I'm starting to feel. When I miss council activities, at the end of the day I feel like " Right...I wasnt needed anyways. They surely can manage everything themselves." And when I do go for council activites, I keep considering if I'm actually being productive or wasting precious time. Horray I'm starting to habour these negative feelings. And they will stay as long as I dont get some decent results for my studies. I'm like such a bastard now. Sorry if I offended anyone. The situation just forces me to think this way. I dont like it myself. How I wished I still could be as relaxed as anyone else. But I dont think so. Its relaxing too much that has gotten me to this fucked up stage.
Ok given how I currently feel, I think maybe I should avoid the councillors now. At least until I'm needed for the compulsory council meeting regarding council camp. Even to this stage, I swear that I will not just drop council like this. I believe in respecting those that have respected me back. I shall follow through with council till the very last end. And share the last moments with them. Though I do not know what kind of mentality I will be in then. Maybe being angry over studies again. I dont know.
Ok... I know that its a bad habit of mine to always be pondering about what has happened in the past, rather than moving myself forward. Hey, isnt it past mistakes that make us push ourselves forward? Learn things the hard way.
63 DAYS LEFT to Mid Years.... My next major obstacle.
Today, I met Mr Kwek for a short meeting after school. Ok obviously the moment I sat down with his at his office, the first thing he did was to show me a full list of the performance of all the J2s for block test. Guess what? My name is like ar the bottom 20 in that 900+ students list. Finally the nail gets hammered in. Triple Fs= FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED. Argh. Ok other than being reminded of the risk that I'm in, by the way the list said something like "students not retained to J1" or something, so that doesnt feel better either. Ok, Mr Kwek saw that I was a councillor and joked to me saying " Do you want to go for a second round of elections?". Well I cant blame him for putting it that way. I was like this close to getting retained. And thank god I wasnt. Hey, I dont believe in God anyways. Well Mr Kwek wasnt that bad after all. After talking with him, there were a few points for me to take note.
1) The risk I'm currently in. Hanging from a cliff with only my fingertips.
2) For those who got excellent results for the tests, they are like people who take taxi to Orchard Road. I'm someone who needs to walk to Orchard Road. Meaning? I will have to take the more difficult and more time consuming path to reach the same level as they are. And I will have to walk to Orchard Road without a map. Meaning again? I will have to ask for directions to reach my destination. Ok in other words Mr Kwek wants me to seek friends and my tutors for to help me in my studies. It isnt a shameful thing to do. And there's also the time constraints. When September comes, which teacher or friend will be free enough to still help me out? Everyone will be busy with their own activities. So I will have to start early.
3) The Grade Gap. Lets say I want to get Triple B for A Levels. How many gaps is that? F, O, E,D,C,B. That's jumping 5 grades. And from what Mr Kwek says, jumping 1 grade needs around 1 month. Which means mass mugging at one go for 5 months. And how many months left till A Levels? 6 months. 3 subjects means I will have to mug triple times harder. Right....is there still time to be relaxing now?
4) Well Mr Kwek ended off with saying, he didnt want to take up too much of my time, and rather I leave earlier to go study. He's quite a nice person I must say. I asked him regarding the June holidays studying schedule, and he says its confirmed already but he doesnt want to reveal the plans yet cause he wants the schedule to be more flexible for the students. Its not a punishment, but he wants to create a culture where everyone can study in. Imagine. If you enter a room and see everyone in the room studying, doenst that make you feel gulity if you dont study? Like yeah that's the culture he wants to create. And I agree. Maybe council seems too carefree to be suitable for my current situation. Maybe its cause is near the end of the council term bah.
5) Also, to consider my future. NUS and NTU certs are recognised all over the world. There are some schools where not all the certs are recognised. And schools like NUS are also cheaper compared to private schools like SIM which are so much more expensive. Cheap and good, as he says. Ok, I never knew that before. That's an interesting point to consider.
6) Finally, no matter what Mr Kwek says, the most important decisions still lies with myself. Whether to be self-disciplined, and put into action hard work, or to end up " Contributing without recognition". Who remembers a councillor who gets triple Ds for A Levels? Well, no one. 3Ds dont get you anywhere, and its off to NS you go. Then really gone fuck already. Ok not really the end of the world, but its fucked up.
-The universe rewards effort, not excuses.
-God does not help those who do not help themselves.
-You reap what you sow.
-Time is scarce. Productivity!
-The future lies in my own hands. I must mould my own future without any regrets.
My family, my classmates and friends, my tutors, please support me through this difficult period of my life. I beg you all.
Hopefully, I will be proud of myself next year. And become a man. A man who managed to finally achieved his own goals in life. Wtf man. Being 18 makes a huge difference.
Zhiming @ 7:42 AM.
Friday, April 14, 2006
What a day, what a day, what a day....
Yo everyone, another update, and finally we get to see some pictures... wah haha.
Yesterday was O2 Ad Hoc dinner! We went to the Furama Hotel, and ok we had a funny experience cause in the beginning we got lost at around Chinatown while we were trying to look for it. Apparently there's Furama City Centre and Furama Riverside. That sure caused a bit of confusion. Well anyways we ended up "trekking" for an hour before we finally found it haha. At least all that walking made us hungry and fully prepared for the buffet that we were having. The restaurant is called the Kintamani Indonesian Restaurant. Refer to the pictures I uploaded to see what its like haha. Too bad we didnt take a picture of the overall building though...after all that effort just to get there.
Well at the restaurant, its back to the usual stuff of cracking jokes, commenting on how the food was like, talking about basically anything under the sun. And everyone ended up becoming quite bloated... Well after the dinner, we decided to visit the Esplanade to chill out for the night. And along the way, we went to the Fullerton Hotel and checked it out. And like yah... can see why Fullerton is such a hot choice for Dinner and Dance haha. And yeah, after chilling out for some time at the Esplanade, everyone went home.
Hm...apparently as time has passed, my blog posts are getting less and less detailed haha... Maybe it happens to everyone.
Today at home, I finally managed to concentrate hard enough and did my tutorials.... Feeling quite satisfied with my effort put in haha. Ok I still took like around the whole day to complete 2 maths tutorials, but at least I'm completing things one step at a time. Must continue on like this! Maybe cause the maths tutorial wasnt that difficult I guess. As long as if the ans was wrong I always managed to get back the correct ans after I check through my working and noticed what went wrong. Not bad haha.
Tomorrow is Maths lecture and Mock Q&A for council. Let's go!
Pictures
The entrance of the restaurant
Yup, this is what the inside looks like. See the table we are sitting at?
Its so close to all the foods haha. Quite convenient.
Zhiming @ 8:35 PM.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Currently doing GP Essay with my classmate online...I havent stayed up to do work since....dunno when haha. Ok first time being forced to do work while being half brain dead....What a weird feeling. I'm so gonna be a zombie at school later...Yet another long day! OMG.... Cannot make it liao. "Zhiming got owned by GP Essay and lack of sleep". Right... lets see how things go at school later. Tired man...
Zhiming @ 1:22 AM.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Finally, the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place. Planning does help a lot in determining my priorities... The hunger for studying!!! Results are all that matter now... With good planning, all's left is to implement it. Yes, time management has always been my weakness. Time to try out a new strategy for studies... I believe it will work out well. It MUST! It's do or die now... I need to keep reminding myself of this priority. Maybe working out plans does suit me after all. As long as I get to plan out everything nicely. Other than Mid Years, I need to make sure my performance for tests improves as well. Work hard.... I really need to work hard.
Zhiming @ 9:29 PM.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Yes everybody, miracles dont happen. At least from my point of view. You reap what you sow, as simple as that. Finally, its like the time for me to start some serious planning for my studies.
Orientation 2 has taught me a lot about myself and my weaknesses.
Block Test has once again made me realise how dire the current situation I am in is.
I suck at my studies. Period. Now its time to do something about it. One step at a time.
As always, even God does not help those who do not help themselves.
Morale of the story? I better get down to some serious planning and put lots of extra effort into my studies. LOTS OF IT!!! And in the meanwhile, some exercise will do great to remind me that I'm setting my mind on what things I want to do. So studies and exercise!!
Next goal: MID YEAR! I"M GONNA SHOW SOME RESULTS!!!!
Zhiming @ 9:08 PM.
Yup, this is what the inside looks like. See the table we are sitting at?