Sunday, March 05, 2006

What a week, what a week... A lot of things happened this week, new events, new learning experiences...Old faults, same regrets...

On Wednesday 1st March, it was the release of the A Level results. And everyone also recieved their CLAO results. And my whole class doesnt need to study CLAO anymore haha. Good job everyone! On the same day, I was curious and so stayed back to see O2 Skit rehearsal. And council camp Ad Hoc was having their meeting too. Well I bet O1 skitters all miss the good old acting days when we had time to prepare. For O2's skit, things are quite rush cause everyone's busy with school work as well. Oh well, I decided to help them out with the script, out of my own interest. Earlier on in the morning I managed to borrow the portable mike and sound system from Mr Chionh with Mr Tan helping to sign in.

On Thursday. we had an OGL briefing session during common lunch. The turnout ended up being quite big haha, and most thing went quite smoothly I guess. Then after school I went for my 2nd driving prac lesson.

On Friday, I borrowed PE logistics from Ms Yap again during the afternoon. The after school I did logistics with Choy at the storage room. Then I helped out again at O2 skit rehearsal.

On Saturday, 4th March, was finally OGL workshop. The programme for the workshop went smoothly, and was quite successful, but its a sad thing that I have to say, I had committed so many mistakes that day and I feel so regretful and angry.

Then it came to me that the greatest thing I'm angry at is still at myself. Angry for not being prepared enough. Angry for committing mistakes. Angry that I lost myself again. Angry at not being able to overcome my weakness again. Angry for making others worry.

Its not lessons that I feel like writing on paper and remember them, but rather I still feel there's a deeper meaning behind what lesson I should learn from what happened. Just dunno what.

Then I suddenly wondered something. Do I need to get myself so stressed over something that is actually so minor? Do I really need to get so serious over things which I actually have no power over? Maybe I should just dont care that much anymore. It definitely makes life easier. Rather then people don't do it, then you have to do everything and get stressed as a result, why not just dont care and let everyone get screwed? Like hey, nobody's a superman.

Its a first time that I ever considered screwing other people so that they would understand the same trouble I was going through. The hard way. At the beginning of the day, my anger piled up a bit. During the afternoon, I managed to occupy myself with work and forgot all about it. But at the end of the day, well all hell goes loose. Accumulation of anger can just be so scary.

I know what lessons I learnt, but its just those lessons about planning early, giving instructions clearly to people, always have constant communication, and supporting each other when they need help. That's all on being an efficient comm head. But have I learnt anything that can improve my character? I'm still wondering abt that. I'm still reflecting about it.

Just what feels so darn wrong? I believe only I can discover what it is. Now, there's more questions left for me to be answered, yet I feel I am understanding myself more a bit at a time. Maybe that's what stress does. Its an indicator of what's your limit. Whether you can go far, or if you'll always be like that.

When you know what makes you angry, I believe its a useful and powerful tool for controlling your emotions. However, when you still lose control, the sense of failure becomes even greater. Man, I dunno what I'm typing now. Things just feel, wrong.

And when you're at the peak of being angry, its also significant to know who you can depend on to support you and lead you back to the correct way. Well I think that's how I managed to survive till the end of the day. Now I have to learn how to do it without depending on others.

RELAX. Another keyword I have to add to my list of reminders...

And the sad thing is, thinking of how I got angry, makes me angry. What's up with that?

I should just go and sleep now. And hope things wont go out of hand. Yet another long and busy week ahead.

Sianz...unhappy and angry with myself...

Zhiming @ 9:44 PM.