Alamak... Need to let things out again. At the same time I need to explain myself about some issues.
Firstly, I am so sorry if I offended everyone today. : ( My temper is getting out of control yet again. At least its not in bursts of shouting or stuff like that. BUT, I did lash out today at people too. That makes me feel even more worried and sad. Rather than just letting out my anger like what I always do, I'm starting to vent my anger on people and hurt them. Another reason to hate myself. -_-
I feel that I'm just tired. At least from these few weeks, I have concluded that:
Tiredness= An increase in tendency to become angry.
Tiredness=Increase in tendency to think negative thoughts
Today was yet another busy day for me. Yes, no breaks non-stop for the whole day. I'm just mentally exhausted but I dont show it through action. It goes to my head directly and makes me so frustrated even more easily. Even now, I can sense that I'm so drained out. Argh and there's maths test tmr. I can predict that I'm gonna fail it tmr. This weekend round I did some work at the expense of my revision. Lousy time management again.
For my friends who have shown me support, I sincerely thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. In these times of need, I really appreciate all the help and concern I can get. I believe even just a simple "How ya been dude?" makes my heart contented. I just need to know that there's people who support me, and I shall not let them down. I never want to let them down. Letting them down, is letting myself down as well. Letting down my own principles. Since people believe in me, there's no way I should disappoint them.
I always remind myself of the bad situation I'm currently in. I'm not that selfish to feel as if the worst person in the whole wide world is me, but I believe I should always think of myself first before I compare myself to others. If I cant even handle myself, how to help others? Let alone comfort myself by saying I'm not the worst yet.
Work hard, work harder, work hardest.
I need advice and help. Lots of it. Just as what Mr Hanis told me when I met and chatted him today, there's no time for me to still be groping in the darkness. I need a clear view and idea of what path I am taking. That's so true.
Lets see how the rest of the week goes... I think I'm too desperate and lost that I just keep trying every kind of method to see if things work. Even if they are harmful.
I may be lost, but at least I am clear of what I want. My goals have never changed and will never change as well.
Zhiming @ 8:53 AM.