Ouch... When I left school for home today I started to have a splitting headache. I dont feel that good haha. But studies still have to carry on. Must have been those continuous late nights and stuffing my ears with music when I'm mugging at home. For once I need some peace and silence. At least it makes me feel better alright.
Today was quite a bad day for me bah. Got caught at bio lecture while talking to my classmate. Then I was shot 2 questions which I both answered wrongly. I already have a low sense of self-confidence, and from the incident today, I feel even more disappointed with myself. But at least I put in the effort to admit my mistakes and try to find out what went wrong. And I think I'll go apologise to the lecturer tomorrow. It was both an embarassing and disappointing experience for myself.
If only I put in more effort to read and understand my notes. If only I paid more attention and made sure I benefitted the most from the revision lecture. If only I stopped forgetting how lousy and pathetic I still am at studies. If only I remind myself, there's no real luxury for me to still be carefree. I am still convinced till now, regardless of how much encouragement there has been from others, that I am just not serious enough. And who to blame? Who else but myself. Deep down I still hate myself. And today was another reminder that I am failing my own promises which I made to myself. My promise to prove my worth as a student.
Attitude change time. Knowledge is power. And I must have it at all costs, with my own hands.
The vicious cycle repeats itself. As expected.
Zhiming @ 9:00 PM.
